Dear Kay Jay:

I have a bossy friend, and i'm not sure if I want to keep her around in my life. She only talk about her problems, and never consider if i'm doing okay mentally. I'm at the point where I just don't want to be bothered. What kind of advice do you have to help me through this elimination of stress in my life?

Stressed Friend in Boston, MA

Dear Stressed Friend in Boston:

I am unsure if your friend is the root of all your stress.  It sounds like there are other major stresses in your life that you need to eliminate. During a depressing state of mind, some people began to distant themselves from their family and friends, and they become highly anxious and agitated about the simplest things. I am not licensed to diagnose your condition, but I want you to look into other signs of depression. If they apply to you, I strongly suggest that you seek help immediately. Also, you may want to keep your friend in your corner, and just be honest with her regarding your need for social support. That's what friends are for.

You also mentioned that your friend talks about her problems a lot, which may indicate her need for professional help. You are a friend, not a psychiatrist or therapist. While others shut down when they are stressed out, your friend is depending on you to release her stress. Communication is a fundamental key to maintain a strong relationship, so you must directly communicate to your friend that you are going through a tough time as well, and you will need her support to help you through it. By bailing on your friend, you are indirectly communicating to her that you need a moment, but its better to have each other for support, rather than solving your problems by yourself. Take control of your life by improving your communication skills, in which you are able to effectively express what is on your mind. Empower your friend to seek professional help, as well.  Below is contact information to set up an appt for a psych evaluation. It's better to be safe, then to be unsure.

Fenway Health
617.267.0900
Ansin Building
1340 Boylston Street
Boston, MA 02215
Online: www.fenwayhealth.org

Love, Kay Jay